Who Are You?
Who are you if you are not busy helping others? Or working? Or attending church? Or watching your grandkids? Who are you? This question may have been quietly simmering in the background or loudly nagging at you throughout the past year of the pandemic. How did you respond? We live in a society that prizes titles, roles, and prestigious awards. It is a badge of honor to answer the question, “How are you?” with “I’m so busy!” For many people, life was radically altered during the pandemic. Some experienced permanent and traumatic change. Whether the changes were welcome or not, people are getting vaccinated and reentering the world, and life is changing yet again. This is an important time to pause and ask, Who are you now? Are you reentering the world in a new way? A way that is closer to your true self?
Your True Self
Mystic and Trappist monk Thomas Merton (1915-1968) brought the concept of the true self to life. He describes the true self as who you are at the core of your being. It is the place where you and God meet - where you are in sync - where you are acting as one. It is the self you have always been since the moment God breathed life into your very being. You are restless until you realign with it.
There is only one problem on which all my existence, my peace, my happiness depend: to discover myself in discovering God. If I find Him I will find myself and if I find my true self I will find Him.
Thomas Merton, New Seeds of Contemplation (New York: New Directions Books, 1962), 36.
Beyond the Labels
Merton’s definition of the true self shows that you are more than your to-do lists, roles, titles, and associations. Underneath all of those labels is a truer self. Seeking your true self often comes after a loss or transition in your life. Franciscan Friar and author Richard Rohr writes about the true self in the book, "Immortal Diamond." He says the first half of life is about building yourself up, creating your identity, and defining who you are with categories and titles and affiliations (I am a mom, wife, Catholic, writer, Italian, daughter of a Mexican immigrant, party planner, and the list goes on). As you can see, these are not bad labels. These categories and affiliations are an important part of childhood and young adult development in order to gain a healthy sense of self. However, you can become attached to them in a way that makes you believe you are only those roles and you are nothing without them. After years of raising a family, building a career, or defining yourself according to a certain role, you get to a point - through tragedy or the loss and letting go that comes with age - when you realize those titles and affiliations do not tell the whole story. You begin to get a sense there is a truer self underneath it all.
Feeling Lost
When I left my career as a TV reporter and anchor, I sank into a deep depression. Who was I without an impressive title? When my son, Peter, died, after my daughter was already in college, in addition to the grief, I felt lost. Who was I without my mom duties? Who was I if I wasn’t constantly needed for driving, homework, and making lunches? Perhaps you are feeling disconnected from your church community and wondering, Who am I without a church home? If you lost your job during the pandemic, maybe you are asking, Who am I if I’m not earning money for my family? If you are struggling with health issues, you may be asking, Who am I when I am weak and need a nap every day?
Your Journey of Letting Go
The process of growing closer to your true self is a slow dismantling of illusions, control, and the need for immediate answers. The journey may also lead you to the question, “Who is God?” The two questions go hand in hand if you believe in Merton’s definition of the true self when he says:
The secret of my identity is hidden in the love and mercy of God.
Thomas Merton, New Seeds of Contemplation (New York: New Directions Books, 1962), 35.
Stay With the Questions
Much of this searching and finding has to be done in the silence of our hearts. For some, this pandemic and the loss of activity became an invitation to ask the big questions and see who they are beyond the resume.
These two questions - Who am I? and Who is God? - are probably the most significant questions we can ask ourselves, and they will most likely bring up even more questions. These subsequent questions may be hard and painful, liberating and affirming, or a mixture of all of the above. My gentle encouragement is to stay with the questions. Give yourself the time and space to continue asking, growing, reading, reflecting, and praying. These are not questions that come with easy answers, yet if you look at them as part of a lifelong journey of growing closer to your true self and closer to God’s love, you will find this journey within to be a fruitful one.
The Journey Within Retreat
Explore these questions with a four-week online retreat, “The Journey Within: Finding Yourself in God’s Endless love” starting July 12, 2021. Learn more.
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I would love to hear from you. What questions did the pandemic bring up for you? Are you reentering the world in a new way?