Ritualize This Moment

Create a Prayer Ritual

Carve out time to journal. Light a candle and pray. Go for a vigorous hike with friends. Cook a big dinner for family. Be completely present to a long-awaited hug. I invite you to ritualize this moment of reentering the world in whatever way feels true to you.

We have been through a devastating year of uncertainty, loss, and division. While the global pandemic, divided country, hurt over racial injustices, and calls for reform are far from over, there is a sense of new life in the air for many. As vaccination rates rise, more people are gathering with friends and family and reentering the world. I notice my schedule is starting to fill up. You may be noticing yours filling up as well. Before diving back into familiar routines, I invite you to pause, reflect, and intentionally mark this time of transition. Ritualize this moment.

What Is a Prayer Ritual

My dear friend and mentor, Benedictine Sister Paula Hagen, defines a ritual as “an external expression of internal feelings, thoughts, and experiences.” Rituals are important because they help us process events and give meaning to them. In an online article in, “Psychology Today” on rituals, psychiatrist Abigail Brenner says “Rituals serve as a bridge between our outer and inner worlds, between the profane and the sacred, and between the ordinary and the extraordinary.” Entering into that space between our outer and inner worlds is especially helpful when trying to process events that are hard to understand. The ritual creates a place to hold the mysteries of life. Lighting a candle acknowledges the sacred space in the here and now. “The kingdom of God is among you” (Lk 17:21). Standing in a circle and holding hands with friends while sharing a prayer is a reminder that, “where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them” (Mt 18:20).

There are so many events over the past year that hold unanswered questions: unimaginable numbers of loss of life; unbelievable trauma for those unable to say good-bye to loved ones dying in a hospital; weather events uprooting a sense of security; racial injustice exposing a darkness many did not want to see or admit. These events happening all at once brought out a loss of security that seemed unprecedented. Last June I quoted grief expert and author David Kessler on “anticipatory grief.” He said we need to recognize a type of grief we may not be used to experiencing.

Anticipatory grief is that feeling we get about what the future holds when we’re uncertain. Usually it centers on death. We feel it when someone gets a dire diagnosis or when we have the normal thought that we’ll lose a parent someday. Anticipatory grief is also more broadly imagined futures. There is a storm coming. There’s something bad out there. With a virus, this kind of grief is so confusing for people. Our primitive mind knows something bad is happening, but you can’t see it. This breaks our sense of safety. We’re feeling that loss of safety. I don’t think we’ve collectively lost our sense of general safety like this. Individually or as smaller groups, people have felt this. But all together, this is new. We are grieving on a micro and a macro level.

A Prayer Ritual Is a Container

This type of overwhelming grief, confusion, and lack of security requires a container big enough to hold the mystery of it all. A ritual can be that container.

If you are wanting to ritualize this moment, it does not have to be formal, yet it does need to be intentional. As stated above, a ritual is “an external expression of internal feelings, thoughts, and experiences.” One way to choose a ritual that is right for you is to reflect on the feelings (thank God I can see and hug my grandchildren now), thoughts (my isolation made me think of the loneliness of the elderly for the first time), or experiences (I never experienced that type of fear before) that affected you the most during the past year. What action could mark one of those powerful feelings, thoughts, or experiences for you?

Start With a Simple Prayer Ritual

If you are unsure of what to feel, think, or name from the past year, start with a simple ritual and see what comes up for you. Spend thirty minutes with a lit candle journaling your memories of the year and thoughts on moving forward. When you blow out the candle, imagine letting go of things you want to hand over to God. Plan a dinner for friends and create special time sharing the losses and gifts of the year with prayer and song. Go on a hike by yourself or with a friend. Collect a handful of small rocks and let go of them along the way as you reflect on what you are wanting to let go of from the year. Afterwards, you can fill yourself up with the sights and sounds of nature, a reminder of God’s love found in creation.

A ritual does not provide closure. If you are facing a deep loss, there is never closure. A ritual will hold the pain and hurt and put meaning to it, which can help with the healing process. It can provide a space of deep listening as you sort through the depth of pain, discomfort, and questions that are required for new life to take root. In the process, you can ask yourself: “What are the lessons I learned?” “What are the questions still simmering within my heart?” “What has been unearthed in me?” “What did I see in myself that was surprising or uncomfortable or helpful?” And a powerful question I heard recently, “Did you learn anything that will change the direction of your life?”

As parts of life return to normal (or a new normal), we know there are still many things unresolved. It takes time and intentional effort to process powerful emotions and unanswered questions. My invitation to ritualize this moment is not an invitation to put your thoughts and feelings in a nice and neat packaage that proclaims, “These are the lessons learned. I am moving on.” We will be learning and living into the lessons learned for a long time. My invitation is to begin the journey of processing it and inviting God to help you through.

Reflect and Pray with Us

Join us June 5th for a three-hour zoom retreat, “Pause & Pray.” With song, poem, and prayer, we will share and reflect on the past year together and ritualize this moment in time.

Share

How would you like to process your feelings, thoughts, and experiences of the past year? Share some of the important rituals in your life?