Quarantine Truths

A Reflection by Retreat, Reflect, Renew Facilitator Shannon Dahlstedt

The Myth of Best Life Now

Chances are, you have experienced some sort of isolation or quarantine from Covid-19. You may have had the illness or needed to isolate due to exposure. Maybe you spent time caring for a friend or family member who lived with you and was sick. Facing many days of isolation, you are bound to ask, what now? You rearrange your schedule for the foreseeable future and finish the Netflix library. Maybe you have restructured your way of life to lessen the risk of contracting it; hearing about overflowing hospitals and knowing people who have died from Covid-19 increases our anxiety. We have all been living in a state of hypervigilance for nearly two years.

One of the first myths that fall apart when we become ill is our human tendency to assume we will live forever and have all the time in the world to do the things we want. Suddenly, even a Zoom meeting feels like too much work. We are tired, our body isn’t working correctly, and we just want to feel better. 

This is where we can pause and reflect. Are we immortal beings? Should we expect that as humans, we will never experience illness? Did we somehow bring this on ourselves?

The Five Remembrances

There is a Buddhist meditation to help one face and transform one’s fears. Our Western society emphasizes “your best life” and the philosophy that one can just focus and try harder to avoid unpleasantness, such as illness. But we are indeed human, and we know it most acutely when faced with disease. Instead of distracting ourselves from the truth of our humanity, The Five Remembrances invites us to look reality in the eye and just sit with it. Breathing in and out slowly, we can contemplate:

1. I am of the nature to grow old. There is no way to escape growing old.

2. I am of the nature to have ill health. There is no way to escape having ill health.

3. I am of the nature to die. There is no way to escape death.

4. All that is dear to me and everyone I love is of the nature to change. There is no way to escape being separated from them.

5. I inherit the results of my actions of body, speech, and mind. My actions are my continuation. [1]

Let Go of Blame or Guilt

Simply breathing in and out with this meditation and learning to accept the inevitability of illness can bring calm and stability back to you. You did not bring this condition upon yourself, no matter where you stand on vaccines or masks. Do not blame yourself or someone else as you trace your contacts to figure out how the illness made its way to you. Humans are social creatures. We are meant to live in community, and two years into a pandemic is a long time to live in the opposite, socially distanced way. Extend yourself and those from whom you may have contracted the virus the grace that none of you created the virus, and none of you wished to become ill or infect someone else. And let go of any thoughts of blame or guilt. You are human.

No Cure for Being Human

In her book, No Cure for Being Human, historian Kate Bowler picks apart the lie of ”best life now" that permeates American culture. “Every year billions of dollars are pumped into a wellness industry defined by the theory that we can be perfected. We can organize ourselves, heal ourselves, budget ourselves, love ourselves, and eat well enough to make ourselves whole.” [2]

In her characteristic humor, she continues, “We can fall in love with Tony Robbins and Eckhart Tolle, Joyce Meyer and Rachel Hollis. Women can learn that their better selves can be measured in Weight Watchers points, squeeze into Kim Kardashian’s waist trainers, or be enhanced by the right shade of Mary Kay lipstick. Men can save like Dave Ramsey, master the habits of highly effective people, or flip a tire or two at their local CrossFit. The American admiration for bootstrappers and optimists became a capitalist paradise. Everyone is now a televangelist of the gospel of good, better, best. Harness your mind to change your circumstances. The salvation of health and wealth and happiness is only a decision away. Will you finally let it save you?” (15-17)

But here you are, sick, and between the tissues and headaches and chills and body aches, you might be thinking four-letter words about "best life now”. Better to consider how your illness can at least give you perspective on human limitations. We are embodied spirits, and our bodies and minds will get sick. Gentle yourself during this time. If you want to snuggle up with a book, do it! If all you can muster is constant naps, so be it. There is no cure for being human. We get to live it all, in sickness and in health.

Making Meaning

As Christians, we are taught that our suffering connects us to the cross and that God is with us in it no matter what. Imagine God sitting with you as you read this prayer by Desmond Tutu and his daughter Mpho Tutu. [3]

I have seen suffering make heroes of some of my children.

The strength with which they endure their pain is a shining example to all.

But sometimes, child, suffering is only suffering.

It seems gratuitous.

It feels meaningless.

It teaches nothing.

It brings no gifts.

It just is.

It just is and you feel alone,

Abandoned,

Forsaken.

You think I have gone

So you run.

Your mind skitters away from the hurt.

Your body shrinks away from the pain.

Your heart tries to shut itself against the suffering.

I see you run.

You don’t believe that I am with you.

But I am there.

When you stop running from the pain

And turn to face it,

When you can step into the agony and let it be,

When you can turn to your own suffering and know its name,

Then you will see me.

You will see me in the heart of it with you.

It doesn’t matter if your body is wracked by pain

Or your mind is spiraling through aches and anguish.

When you stop running you will see me.

I will not forsake you.

I cannot abandon you.

You are not alone.

I am with you.

[1] Thich Nhat Hanh, Zen and the Art of Saving the Planet (New York: HarperCollins, 2021), 46.

[2] Kate Bowler, No Cure for Being Human: (And Other Truths I Need to Hear) (New York: Random House, 2021), 15-16. 

[3] Desmond Tutu and Mpho Tutu, Made for Goodness: And Why This Makes All the Difference (San Francisco: HarperOne, 2021), 109-110. 

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