Love Over Fear

I am sitting here wanting to write about love because it is February and the month of Valentine’s Day but I find myself staring at the screen, not feeling inspired or, well, loving. Instead I am feeling frustrated, anxious, and sad over all of the political division, health scares, and tragedies in the news. Are you internalizing any of this yourself? How do you handle listening to the news, which always seems to have a new fear of the day, and not let it get to you?

I know I am not alone. Research studies show anxiety is on the rise in this country. Many times the anxiety has to do with health concerns, family relations or safety, and financial stress. People struggling with anxiety and fear is an issue I hear a lot about at my retreats. In a world full of fear, how do you get from anxiety to love? As 1 John 4:18 points out, the two do not go together.

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

Fear

When I am full of fear, I become controlling and I want to fix everything and everyone, which does not leave much room for love. Fear is a block to receiving love or sharing it. When you are full of fear you are living as if everything depends on you. This leaves little room to notice or accept the stranger holding the door for you or the friend calling and offering help.

In my upcoming “Courage for the Call” retreats, I’ll be talking a lot about fear. I believe courage is where fear and trust meet. It is exhausting trying to pretend the fear is not there and it is even more exhausting trying to act strong and tough when that’s the last thing you feel. It is so much easier to acknowledge the fear and try to hold it alongside your efforts to trust and surrender to God’s love and protection.

Concerns Versus Worries

An exercise we will use in the retreats is one that discerns the difference between concerns and worries. Discerning the difference between a concern and a worry can help when you sense you are spiraling into a place of anxiety. In "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World,” Pastor Gary E. Gilley explains the difference.

Worry is allowing problems and distress to come between us and the heart of God. It is the view that God has somehow lost control of the situation and we cannot trust Him. A legitimate concern presses us closer to the heart of God and causes us to lean and trust on Him all the more.

A Worry

A worry is often unfounded. It is usually a general feeling that spreads to many other issues and feelings. A worry usually results in obsessing about the problem, which often creates more problems. The result of a worry is usually a feeling that you are the only person who can solve the problem or you are looking to other people to solve the problem as opposed to looking to God. One woman recently shared with me, "If my husband is late from work and I know there is a lot of traffic, my mind spirals from wife to widow in 60 seconds." Does this sound familiar to you? Can you think of a fear that is spiraling out of control?

A Concern

A concern involves a legitimate threat. It is one specific issue that addresses one specific problem. When you have a concern, you identify a specific issue or question and find a specific solution. When you operate from the concern category, you are handling one small step at a time and there is less energy spent on questions and issues you may not have control over. Think of a concern that is heavy on your heart. Is there something tangible you can do to take care of it? How can you prevent it from spiraling into a worry?

Opening Up a Space for Love

Focusing on your little piece of love and goodness in the world is an effective way to combat the feeling of powerlessness or fear. You can start by noticing the love that is already within you and around you. The more awareness you have of this love - God’s grace - the more you want to share it with others. The more love you bring into the world, the more love there is in your heart, and there just does not seem to be any room left for fear.

This Valentine’s Day, I invite you to open up a space for the kind of love that ‘drives out fear’ by reflecting on the love already around you and connecting with Divine love within you.

Psalms Now

By Leslie Brandt

Thank You, God, for all the things that reveal your love.

Thank Your for the heavens that cover us,

for the earth beneath our feet,

for the sun in the day and stars of the night,

for the snow and the rains and the rivers and the lakes,

for mountains and valleys and trees and flowers.

Thank You, God,

for those people who demonstrate Your love.

Thank You for those great men and women who followed You throughout history,

for doctors and teachers and mothers and fathers and painters and

musicians and writers and farmers and laborers and clerks,

for those men and women who accepted Your love

and dedicated their lives to loving Your people.

Thank You, God,

for choosing me to be one of your people,

for calling me and equipping me to communicate

Your love to my world about me.

Thank You, God.

Fall in Love

By Fr. Pedro Arrupe, SJ 

Nothing is more practical than

finding God, than

falling in Love

in a quite absolute, final way.

What you are in love with,

what seizes your imagination, will affect everything.

It will decide

what will get you out of bed in the morning,

what you do with your evenings,

how you spend your weekends,

what you read, whom you know,

what breaks your heart,

and what amazes you with joy and gratitude.

Fall in Love, stay in love,

and it will decide everything.

Reflect

What are your fears and how can you keep them within the “concern” category?

What are some examples of love already within you and around you?

How would you like to “fall in love” with God?