Inner Calm
A Reflection by Shannon Dahlstedt
Inner Calm
Ahh. The way out is in. I finally understood this spiritual insight recently when, moving my oldest son into college, unexpected events threw us into the land of uncertainty. I’ll put it this way: it felt as though the university’s welcome mat lay hidden somewhere in a back closet.
My son was excited about college after his gap semester, yet he also felt the usual anxiety of entering a new environment. His roommate-to-be, a student who had already lived there for a semester, had taken up the entire room with his things. There were few empty drawers and no space for my son, who was supposed to be an equal tenant. Coupled with an unfamiliar town and school, I could sense his despair rising as he tried to figure out where he belonged, so I remained calm and called Housing for help.
Storms of Life
Even with the best-laid plans, circumstances can change at the last minute. “This wasn’t supposed to happen,” we think. “This wasn’t part of my plan.” We throw up our hands. We punch a pillow in frustration, cry, or all of it at once!
Significant, unexpected events impact so many people. Dangerous storms flooded California last month, causing death and destruction, and a winter storm devastated Buffalo, New York. In my town over Christmas, our temperature dropped from 65 degrees one week to 7 the next. Without warning, the power company in North Carolina began rolling outages on Christmas Eve, inconveniently leaving customers in the cold for 3-4 hours while their families visited. Elsewhere, flight cancellations stranded travelers, causing many to miss their family holidays altogether.
You have little control over most things in life, but what you can control is how you respond. What keeps you from finding that place of calm? Major things happen all around, yet sometimes the smallest things get us the most worked up - like road construction or an internet outage. Supply chain issues continue to disrupt our daily lives, something we in the Western world have only recently begun to encounter.
Why do little things cause outsize reactions when much bigger things are happening? For one, the immediacy and relevance of whatever is at hand can force you to change directions with little notice. Sometimes the emotion of the situation blinds you. For me, I’m embarrassed to admit, my reaction can be selfish, thinking only of how my day, my agenda, and my own big picture will be impacted.
When I notice myself falling into self-centeredness or an emotional vortex, I know I need to take some deep breaths and find that inner rock of solidity to avoid becoming a victim of circumstance. My perspective is better overall when I take a few minutes each day to set aside my ego, my self, all the things I call mine. It helps me realize I am part of a bigger picture instead of one individual that everything is happening to.
Your daily spiritual practices can provide training for life’s curveballs. Cultivating inner space widens your capacity for handling crises. Imagine finding that calm, quiet place for a few minutes each day. The more you visit it, the better you are at returning to it when you need it. Day by day you increase your capacity for resilience so that you more naturally take a breath, step back, and approach troubling situations with calm and spaciousness.
This month we will go deeper with three spiritual practices that make it easier to live in hope rather than despair: Centering Prayer, Walking Meditation, and The Examen. Look for them in the Sunday morning emails.
Turning it Around
During move-in day, I noticed the urge to throw up my hands in exasperation in both my son and me. But I didn’t have time to complain, and there wasn’t a single person to blame. I had to show my son how to handle his setbacks through my example. I had to remain calm. Anything else from me would have made the situation more stressful and possibly impacted his living situation. Ultimately, the university assigned him a new room, split down the middle, ready for move-in! His whole body relaxed, and his smile returned when we entered. He could deal with this situation, I saw. His outlook brightened.
Finding my center gave me the insight and calm I needed to help my son transition to his new environment. I recall the words to an old familiar Christian hymn by Robert Lowery:
No storm can shake my inmost calm,
While to that rock I’m clinging.
Since Christ is Lord of heaven and earth
How can I keep from singing?
Listen to this Reflection
Spend more time reflecting with this reflection by listening to the audio version on YouTube.
Share in Community
Would you like to discuss your thoughts on this month’s reflection? The second week of the month, we offer three drop-in Sacred Circles on Zoom and one in person. It’s a chance to share the monthly reflection in a safe and welcoming environment. We have a new evening session! An invitation with the Zoom link goes out on the Monday morning of the week’s sessions. Check out our times here.
Share Right Here
Let us know about your thoughts after reading this reflection. When you catch yourself reacting to circumstances, do you take a pause first? What are the prayer practices that help you stay calm?